white-knuckle
--
a prose
i thought i loved you in september. i believed this way into december. i embraced the frost like it was a warm bath. i did so as a testament of my love for you. i hoped you loved me back in may. you said you liked the way you could still smell me long after i left the room. you collected small clumps of my lost curls unbeknownst to me. i only saw this offering to my goddess being after the fact. i kissed you at midnight once. it was actually an hour before, but at the time i wanted to claim you as mine before a new year could change your mind. such a silly lie to tell. such a worthless thing to hope for. you kissed another only an hour after emptying yourself on my being. she was still on your tongue the next time you kissed me. she stayed there a long while. i think you were honest by the time march rolled around. by then we were only speaking by text. you decided it was the best for both of us. you blamed it on your inability to keep me in my clothes even after everything. back then i reveled in this. i swore it was a compliment. i proudly wore my scarlet letter hoping to have your hands on my throat and fingers in my mouth again. i knew you didn’t love me when you confused my plight for hers. started blaming me for fires i did not set. held me to promises i never made. called me names that did not belong to me. i knew i did not love you when your scent on my sheets no longer pleased me. your voice did not sound like a siren call. i found happiness in my fingers and wisdom in my toes. i did not look for you in the corners of my room. i woke up to only myself and didn’t mind it. i knew i loved myself then.
i want to express my heartfelt gratitude to you for taking the time to read my work. it really means the world to me. feel free to clap, comment, and/or highlight; your support is genuinely valued on my end. if you are curious on how to and/or willing to further support me. you can buy me a pen. i also value good ol’ fashion word of mouth, so please feel free to share my piece and consider exploring this blog post. thank you again for reading this far.
